Attribution
Said serves the purpose of attribution, and synonyms for said aren't necessarily good. Don't use according to, cited, commented, stated, added, feels, thinks and believes. Attribution serves a definite purpose: to indicate who said what. Synonyms for said should not be used because the writer or editor thinks that said can be repetitious.
Repetition is not bad in writing. When done right, repetition can be good. Writers should vary the placement of said so that all sentences with quotes or paraphrases don't look alike. This should be a natural variation, though. Such variation enables the writer to de-emphasize the word said. In that way the reader gets used to seeing the attribution but isn't distracted by it.
Readers who are good with the language can be distracted by a poorly chosen word of attribution. Writers need to concentrate on the placement of attribution, not on varying the words used in attribution. Editors should check to be sure the writer has the right word of attribution in the right place.
Notice the bad effect of varying the attribution in this example:
“I had good velocity, maybe my best of the season,” Ryan admitted after hurling his first complete game and hiking his career strikeout total to 3,148, third best in the history of the game.
Was Nolan Ryan under interrogation? What was there about this situation that required him to admit to anything?
Some writers use attribution to guide the reader through written material. They use continued, added, also said, concluded, etc. Don't let the writer do that in copy you edit.
Using attribution correctly is one of the tests of good writing.
Tense
The past tense -- said -- is better. Set up the writing in such a way that the reader knows why this particular piece is being written, what's going on, where it is taking place and who is involved. That means that by the time the story gets to the reader everything has already happened. The use of the past tense -- said -- sets the story in time.
The present tense -- says -- could be appropriate under certain circumstances. But if the writer and editor don't have a compelling reason to use some other tense, use the past tense.
Feels, Thinks and Believes
The words feel, think and believe should not be used as words of attribution. Said should be used. When feel, think and believe are used, they should be used after the attribution has already been set: He said he …
Be extremely careful with feel. Use it only when well-being is described: He said he wasn't feeling so well today. That is the only legitimate use of feel.
Use believe in dealing with principles that a person has or in describing a person's religious beliefs: He said he believes in the priesthood of believers. (We are assuming the belief continues, and therefore the present tense believes would be appropriate.)
Use think after the verb of attribution when ideas are involved: He said he thought he had a chance of winning. Notice that felt or believed would be inappropriate in that sentence.
To take an example of a very bad sentence:
He felt the team had a chance to beat Oklahoma.
Changing felt to thought or believed would not provide the word of attribution, which is needed. But felt is not appropriate in this context. Thought is preferred. Therefore, the sentence should be edited to read:
He said he thought the team had a chance to beat Texas.
Or, better still:
He said the team had a chance to beat Texas.
According To
Use according to when citing a source of unquestionable authenticity, such as census statistics, or when the source of the information is apocryphal: According to legend ... Avoid according to in other situations.
Quotes and Paraphrases
Direct quotations, with quotation marks around them, are used to capture the exact words of a person and to give the flavor of the way that person talks. Direct quotes help to authenticate the writing.
Paraphrases give the literal sense of what was said. They don't have to be exact. The writer has freedom in choosing the way to present the information. Synonyms can be used. Long statements can be condensed. A paraphrase can clarify and simplify.
Direct quotes and paraphrases serve different purposes. Direct quotes can give verbatim accounts of what people say and how they say it. Paraphrases provide additional information and put together pieces of information that might not stand alone.
Editors should never, never, never arbitrarily place quotation marks around material being edited. But editors can change quotes to paraphrases when circumstances demand.
Some statements aren't going to be appropriate in direct quotation:
“I don't want to go to Waxahachie,” she said. That has minimal value as a quotation and would be better in a paraphrase: She said she didn't want to go to Waxahachie.
Edit out the “When asked ...” construction. This unnecessarily involves the writer and is an extremely poor way of writing. Let the quotes stand out and make clear that they were said in an interview.
Partial Quotes
Try your best to avoid partial quotes. Writers usually use them in an attempt to capture the exact language. But, a paraphrase could serve that purpose. Examples: She said that was the “best book” she had read in years. She said she would “do her best” to meet the deadline. In both of these the ideas of “best book” and “do her best” could be gotten across without the use of the quotation marks.
Here are examples in which partial quotes weren't necessary:
Jere Cox, the spokesman, said his company notified airport officials of its decision to “defer” its bond request in a letter dated March 21.
Mrs. Adams said she and her boyfriend, Bernard Deters, 39, were two of witnesses “invited” to testify before the grand jury.
Former Foreign Minister Sean MacBride of Ireland said today the United States and “the Iranians” have agreed to a plan to release the U.S. hostages “before or concurrently with” the opening of a U.N.-sponsored inquiry into the shah's regime.
The United States and its Western allies have established an international “sting” operation to foil attempts to sell embargoed grain to the Soviet Union, Agriculture Secretary Bob Bergland said Thursday.
Save the partial quotes for the rare occasion in which you need to emphasize the exact wording of a controversial statement. The rest of the time the writer and editor should try to get across the idea without having to use partial quotes.
Partial quotes would be acceptable in a situation in which the quotes give the word an ironic or opposite meaning the word would have without the quotes. Example:
Nanos spent two weeks with the decoy squad last summer and was mugged every night, an unprecedented “success” rate.
Combining Identification and Background with Attribution
Related to attribution is the problem of identification. Attribution should be as simple as possible and not get in the way of what is being said. Identification should also be simple, but it should be presented separately from attribution. Avoid synonyms for identification. Examples of how not to do it:
...said the 38-year-old father of two.
...said the blue-eyed girl.
...said the native of Ireland.
In situations such as these, use the person's name or the pronoun she or he.
All those other words are used to tell something about the person that, in the context of the writing, may be incidental. This is the salt-and-pepper approach to writing: drop in a fact here and there. Stay away from that approach.
Details, facts, background information and description should be presented in a context set apart from attribution. The writer should be able to keep the elements together that belong together and should separate elements that don't belong together. If for some reason the writer doesn't do that, the editor has an obligation to straighten out the structure.
Approaches to avoid:
...said the granddaughter of Henry Morgenthau Sr. and the daughter of Maurice Wertheim, an international banker, publisher, philanthropist and sportsman.
“I've changed a lot from my early days,” said Muckler, who admits to being an average minor league defenseman during an eight-year career.
“I think women should register for the draft,” says 21-year-old
Melanie Tyler.
The kitchen off the breakfast room is small and compact, “just the way I wanted it,” the charming young married revealed.
“I never thought it would happen like this,” said the son of a Phoenix Motorola engineer who grew up in Arlington Hts., Ill., but moved to Phoenix for his high school days.
“They've got a real good pass rush,” said Zorn, picked up as a rookie free agent quarterback by the Cowboys. “You get behind and there's not much else they have to do. Just tee off on you.”
“I've entered these Publisher's Clearing House Giveaways since I was 19,” says the 28-year-old Ms. Walter, who lives in Norfolk, Va.
“Well to tell you the truth, the most nervous I've ever been was riding in the Water Melon Derby out in Colorado,” said Kaenel, who earned a spot on Aloma's Ruler with his victory in the Wood Memorial last week.
“There was a lot of pressure on me there because the horse I was on had won something like six races in a row.”
Inexact Introduction: Combining Observation with Attribution
Inexact introduction occurs when what is said at the beginning of the sentence doesn't lead into what is said after the comma. The introductory material must relate to the main part of the sentence directly. The connection must be both grammatically and logically correct. When the logic is missing, a non sequitur is created.
In journalistic writing this problem develops most commonly when a statement made by the writer (in an attempt at clarification or amplification) and then
attribution is used to introduce a thought that isn't directly related to the observation.
Examples of constructions that must be changed:
1. Characterizing his life, Moore said...
2. With both Dallas and Fort Worth nearby, she said that she has not been limited.
3. Aside from the lack of reading and writing, Smith said....
4. In notetaking, he said that.....
5. When attributing material, he said to use the.....
6. In addition to reading, he told the class...
7. Looking back, he said, “Success had more of an effect on me than I realized.”
8. In an interview with her on Tuesday, she said she had experienced working both in front and behind the camera.
9. Even though the various departments did not make the requested cuts, Brown said that no tax rate increase would be needed next year under the present level of services being considered by the commissioners.
10. If it is nonfiction, he said that a publisher will be.....
11. Using the fundamental approach to investing, Cadell said lately he's been advising his clients to broaden their investments and to stay in cash buying or treasury bills because they yield more.
When the attribution comes in the middle of two paraphrases, it should be set off by commas and both sides of the sentence should be paraphrases. Otherwise, the first part of the paraphrase looks like a condition of the second part. Here's how not to do it:
When she was in the seventh grade, she said she finally got on a
summer team that was organized for girls.
Setting the attribution off with commas can clarify the time:
When she was in the seventh grade, she said, she finally got on a summer team that was organized for girls.
Still, the sentence would read better as:
She said she finally got on a summer team that was organized for girls when she was in the seventh grade.
Occasionally, even that technique won't work. An example:
During a routine check of the club, police said they found Crosby free-basing cocaine.
What needs to be done to edit that sentence successfully?
The best writing is simple, clear and straightforward. Writers get into trouble when they fool around with sentence structure. The basic information is best presented separately. Keep background together. Don't mix attribution and background. Don't mix attribution and observation. If the intent is to say that someone said such and such, say that. Don't introduce the paraphrase or quote with an observation.
Attribution can be moved around in both quotes and paraphrases. But it must be moved carefully and with consideration of the effects the placement of the attribution has on the information being presented.
The writer doesn't want to present every sentence with the same pattern of attribution. Some thought and logical sentence structure can open up many possibilities for variation other than what is being presented here.
Story organization can be improved by grouping paraphrases within a paragraph and setting full quotes aside in separate paragraphs.
Elegant Variation
Don't substitute words of identification, description or background as synonyms for a person's name or the pronoun representing that name.
Examples of what not to do:
The autistic patient's death ...
The one-time varsity tennis player's heart ...
Walton's foot specialist, Dr. Thomas Daly, examined the big redhead in Los Angeles Wednesday.
“I was pretty consistent,” the Mission Viejo, Calif., diver said, “and I'm glad of that.”
As she fought death, the paralyzed cheerleader's friends and loved ones fought alongside her.
The new $25 million Reunion Arena's ice surface can be prepared for ice hockey or ice shows in 12 hours.
“The action is the same in Atlantic City, and it's a lot closer to home,” the machinist said.
Rep. Leland's office said the congressman was attending a meeting and had planned to vote.
The 56-year-old newspaperman's responses were peppered with ...
The Oklahoma native studied at ...
The commercial artist describes his work as ...
The native of Los Angeles learned the hard way that ...
Copyright David McHam
